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Earlier this week I mentioned the three questions that Gary Chapman asked his wife that changed his marriage. They were at a pivotal place in their relationship, and faced disappointment, and discouragement, and both felt like perhaps they had made a bad choice when it came to marriage. The story is told in his book, Love as a Way of Life, on pages 222-227, and those pages make the cost of the book worth every penny. He tells of how his married life was much less than he had envisioned and he desperately asked God how to change the situation. As he finished his prayer one time, he had an image in his mind of Jesus washing the disciple’s feet. In his heart God spoke to him and he heard, “That is the problem with your marriage. You don’t have the attitude of Christ toward your wife.” Jesus gave the example that to be the greatest, you have to be like a servant. He then asked God to teach him to love her by serving her, like Jesus did. What he discovered was that love always stimulates love. Because people so desperately need love, when they have the opportunity to receive it, they are drawn toward the one who offered it to them. Jesus totally demonstrated this principle. That is why he said that others in the world will know that we are Christians by our love. They will be drawn to Jesus in us! So here is your Love Project challenge. I challenge you to ask this question to those you care about.
How can I serve you better?
If you really want to love like Jesus, that is the place to start. What can I do to make your life easier? How can I demonstrate the love of God to you today? What can I help you with? Most of us would love someone to ask that to us, so why not start the ball rolling by going first! You be the first one to serve, the first to forgive, the first to give your place to someone else! Loving first will make everything better. You may think you won’t get what you need, but it will be just the opposite. What you sow you will reap. What you give will be given. Where you serve, you will be blessed.

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The main thing I hope everyone who has been involved in the Love Project receives is the motivation to make love a way of life centered on loving authentically. by serving others. We love….so we serve. Imagine the difference we can see as we do this at home. Families will look beyond past difficulties and look for ways to love and support each other. They will be committed to serving one another through God’s love at work on the inside of them. Imagine husbands and wives that are willing to lay down their own selfishness, and seek to serve the other. When we decide to find ways to make someone else’s life easier, we are sowing seed that will reap amazing benefits in our own life. Imagine in the work place, even in a secular environment, love demonstrated by serving will reap rewards. Finding ways to be helpful to the colleagues in your office or working environment will demonstrate that you are truly Jesus’ disciple. As a team player, you can seek for ways to serve others. Imagine churches if we would love by serving. We would have more than enough volunteers to do everything we have on our heart to do. From leaders to small groups, to children’s workers, to greeters and hospitality, to community outreach, to world outreach, all the way to making sure God’s house is excellent in every way serving as a demonstration of love would have a powerful impact. So have you been moved to action? What can you do to demonstrate love to those around you? I want to encourage you….why not start right where you are. Start at home, start with those in your own household. Then take it to work, to church, to your community. Find ways to serve people. It means keeping your eyes open and being willing to be inconvenienced every once in a while. Involve your family, how cool it could be for your whole family to serve at a soup kitchen together. Or take them to a retirement center and give out cookies, or just visit. If we want to make love a way of life for generations to come, it has to become a lifestyle, not just something we do once a year. Be encouraged to demonstrate love today.

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One of the things we did with The Love Project in our church was to have each group who is involved do a service project to demonstrate love in action. It has been such a blessing to hear how much serving others has impacted each person. As I talked with the leaders, their faces lit up knowing that they have lightened someone else’s load, or brightened someone’s day by their acts of kindness and love. I wish there were time to let each of them tell their own stories, but I will give you some of the highlights. The youth age girls collected money through a bake sale and have gone shopping to buy baby items for a young lady who is an unwed pregnant teen. They raised several hundred dollars, and then as a group, went to the store to purchase items needed for a newborn. The lessons they learned in the process showed them how much having a baby costs just in a monetary sense. Another group went to a facility that houses mentally and physically disabled young adults. They got to lend a hand to help in many different ways. Some of the group has already planned to go back on a monthly basis. Several groups have helped the Pregnancy Crisis Center in our area. Their fundraising banquet happened during our Love Project, and several groups made it their service project. Another group took on a single mom who had nothing, and has given her not only a houseful of items, but a feeling of being supported and loved in the process. Another group has made retirement home visits on a weekly basis. After seeing the need of senior adults in a assisted living center, they decided to just go visit and listen to people. They discovered that not only did the residents feel blessed, the love project groups received a wealth of wisdom and love from those they came to serve. The stories could go on and on. What serving does is demonstrates love. Love really is a verb! Let’s show it!

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Do you agree with this statement? Normal everyday challenges are so much easier to handle when we know we are loved and supported. I know that is true in my life. I have gone through a period in my life when the supportive friendships of 5 awesome ladies, known as my breakfast bunch, have been so valuable in my life. Because of them, I know and value the feeling of love and support in friendships. Normal everyday challenges are easier to face when we have a great support system around us. In the past, I have had friendships with others who have gone on to heaven, or have moved away, and had to do some adjusting. Because these were all amazing friends, they left a huge hole in my life. What I learned from that experience was definitely to cherish the time we have with people. Thankfully, it is much easier to connect with others far away now with facebook, email and cell phones, but still friendships become more challenging with distance. Family relationships are more challenging with distance. Kids grow up and move across the county….I know that is what my husband and I did, not only across the country, we moved out of the country. You won’t have your parents forever. If they are believers, they’ll be moving on to heaven eventually. Friendships change, and people leave your area. That is a fact of life. But the everyday challenges we face are made easier when we keep loving relationships active and dynamic in our life. Support and love are two things I don’t want to do without. What an amazing plan God has for us. So as we close out our love project, think about the people in your life. Do they feel loved and supported by you? Why not tell them how valuable and precious they are to you, today!

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Intro:
This is the last week of a 10 week teaching helping us to connect meaningfully with people around us, and make a lifelong impact in our community by loving others! Hi, this is Dorette Schaal with an encouraging word for your day. As we complete this love project journey, thank you for joining us. Together we can make love a way of life, and positively change our world. I’m getting excited for our fall study called Authentic Living looking at all the one another’s in the Bible. Make sure to be a part of that great study! Today, here is an encouraging word about making love a way of life for today as we conclude this series this week.
Monday
When we started maybe you were thinking, how can you talk about love for ten weeks? Well, as believers, it should be a subject that we continually work on. It is a foundational truth that can always be built upon, and a great place to continue putting mortar around the bricks of our life’s foundation. It definitely is not a superficial subject. We need to hear about it on a regular basis, so that we continue growing in love. We should all pass the loving other’s test! It lasts a lifetime. I hope you have discovered that love has to be more than something we feel, it is something we do. Love is a verb. It requires action! Love is an action word, and it is a choice we make on a daily basis. During this last week of the Love Project, not only will we hear some concluding ideas, but as a Christians, we put love into action. Because we love, we serve. In the final chapters of Making Love a Way of Life, by Gary Chapman, he gives us three questions to think about in regard to being better at loving in our relationships. It actually is based on something he did in his own home, and because of the changes that happened in his life, he asks us to ask the same questions. I bet you want to know what they are!!! Ok, I’ll tell you!
1) What can I do for you today?
2) How can I make your life easier?
3) How can I be a better spouse, friend, parent, daughter, son, leader,(you fill in the blank) today?
The answers you receive when you ask these three questions can alter your destiny. First of all, it is a demonstration of selflessness, because you are thinking more of others than you are of your own desires and needs. Then you are asking how can you serve them in a better way. And then finally you ask for ideas to make improvements in yourself to be a more loving person. It takes all of the characteristics of love in action to be able to do that! Think about it, you are being kind, patient, forgiving, courteous, generous, honest and most of all acting in humility. You are truly setting aside your desires to better your relationship. That’s love in action, and love as a way of life.

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Ok, we are winding down talking about love as a way of life. I’m thankful you take each day to listen (or read) this encouraging word just for you. We have talked about 7 characteristics of a loving person, and decided that if these characteristics are not already in your life, you can develop them. Do you remember what they are? I’ll tell them to you again:
Kindness – is discovering the joy of helping others
Patience – is accepting the imperfections of others
Forgiveness – Is finding freedom from the grip of anger
Courtesy – is treating others as friends
Humility – is stepping down, so someone else can step up
Generosity – is giving yourself to others
And Honesty – is revealing who you really are.
As you think about all of those qualities, I’m sure there are some that come quite easily to you. Maybe you are very generous, and love giving to others. Or maybe kindness comes really easily. Maybe you can see where you do need the strength of God to do better . Maybe your are really impatient with people, or have a hard time forgiving others. Praise God we do have the power of God on the inside of us to help us overcome. We don’t have to stay like we are. We can change. We can grow and we can develop into the person God really wants us to be. So why not start today. Determine to be kind, patient, forgiving, courteous, humble, generous and honest. Why not take one characteristic at a time, and just decide, that is my project for the day. Today is the day to be honest. Then tomorrow, add something on top of that, like patience, or humility. Daily then you are becoming more like Christ. And you really can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. That is making love a way of life!

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Let’s take one more day and find ways we can make love a way of life at home. The two characteristics of love that I want to conclude this week with are courtesy and forgiveness. Let’s begin with courtesy. America rates high on the courtesy level, when looking throughout the world, In the south, you see courtesy one an even higher level than for the rest of the US. A southerner can ball you out, and sound courteous as can be! For most of us, I do believe we can do better about being courteous. Thank you and please are not outdated or obsolete words. Courtesy really should begin at home. Parents, it is up to us to demonstrate courtesy to our spouses, and on the phone, at the dinner table, really everywhere, because there are little eyes watching you. Kids don’t do what you tell them to do, they do what you do. They are in training, and they will more than likely turn out like you are. So be courteous to your wife, to the waiter at the restaurant, and with your words. Be complimentary, believe the best and look for ways to bring out the best in every situation. The other biggy is forgiveness. A great way for a child to learn how to forgive is to see mom and dad ask for forgiveness. We do mess up. We can act unbecomingly. Let’s be quick to forgive. Let’s let our heart be pure, and not harbor unforgiveness. When we have a home where children learn to forgive, and to ask for forgiveness, we will have a home that demonstrates love as a way of life. Too many families live hanging on to past hurts, and it causes damage that sometimes takes years to recover from. Let’s be authentic lovers. Let’s love like Jesus does. Let’s start at home and make love a way of life with our children, with our spouses, on the job. Surely others will know we are Christians by the authentic love with live out before them.

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Making love a way of life as a parent really is a full time job. One of the things that helped me as a mom become a better mom was having a greater understanding of each of my children. You hear it said all the time, that each child can be so different than the others, and how true that is. Gary Chapman who wrote Love as a Way of Life, has also written about the Five Love Languages. After reading that book, and pinpointed each of the love languages of my kids, I have learned the different ways to express my authentic love to them. If you have read any of Gary Chapman’s books on Love Languages (I think there are 4 or 5) you probably recognized that most of us demonstrate love from our own love language. Those 5 languages are quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving of gifts, and physical touch. My main love language is acts of service, so my natural inclination would be to love others that way. Only one of my children has the same love language as I have, so all 4 others have to be loved in another way. It may sound complicated, but really it brings freedom. It even makes chore time easier, and rewards are different for the different love languages. So where do your kids fit in the love languages. Can you pinpoint if they are most into quality time, speaking encouraging words over them, doing something together, receiving rewards, or your loving touch? Knowing what their love language is really does help when it comes to parenting. My kids who aren’t my same love language (acts of service) try to tell me that they don’t have serve like the one child who has my natural bent, but they quickly find that we can all develop each of those love languages into our life. The child who cares little about being hugged, still needs to be hugged and touched. The one who really likes encouraging words, needs to learn to say them to others too. The one who just likes hanging around with you, needs to realize that actions do speak loudly! I know parenting is challenging, but finding tools like these really can make you the most authentic, loving parent you can be.

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We’ve talked about making our homes a more loving environment, and showing authentic, genuine love to our spouses, but can we do this with our kids too? How can we parent with the principles of making love a way of life? The most fundamental thing that parents can do for children is to love them and to teach their child to love others. Loving your child with the seven traits of love is the most fundamental parenting skill you will ever learn. Many of you probably know that we have 4 daughters and one son. Shortly after having Carson come live at our house, we became his parents when he was 2, I was asked to teach at a large conference on parenting. Our girls were all older, and my speaking date was 1 month after Carson came to live at our house. My parenting skills were turned upside down very quickly. I went from a confident parent, to a parent who wasn’t sure what to do with this little human who was now living under our roof. We have had him now for almost 10 years, and thankfully, many of the discipline issues are nearly perfected – I say that in faith!!!! – but my confidence as a parent really did get rattled. When I got up to speak about parenting, my first words were, I thought I was a good parent, but after parenting a little boy for just a month now, I think I know nothing! Of course everyone laughed, but they didn’t know how serious I was. Parenting really is about loving authentically. It is thinking not about yourself, but about how can I teach this little human to receive love, and then to give that love to others. Parenting is much about modeling a loving attitude and loving actions. Of all of the attributes of love, while parenting, patience gets to be tested overtime! Will we demonstrate a loving attitude by being patient. Patience is the cardinal virtue of a parent and patience in parenting takes much of our time. We assign responsibility, praise the child’s effort, and teach the child how to move to the next level of maturity. Children learn bit by bit that good behavior brings benefits, and poor behavior makes life difficult. The parent who is patient with this process is expressing authentic love.

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How can we make love a way of life in marriage? Is it really possible to have that heaven on earth type of relationship? I really believe that it is. We have so many tools that God has given us to have fantastic marriages as believers, and putting into operation the seven characteristics of love, and letting them flow back and forth from husband to wife is one of the ways. Three additional things we have a believers to enhance our marriages are these:
1)`The Love of God has been shed abroad in our heart – Romans 5:5 The God of the universe has placed the infinite power of love in us, to operate in our relationships.
2) We have the power of forgiveness – We are told to forgive one another. There are times when we do hurt each other, and forgiveness is available. Let’s use that tool liberally.
3) We are given the ministry of reconciliation – II Cor 5:18 When we need to compromise, and even agree to disagree about non eternal issues, we can do it. We have the power to reconcile.
So as believers, let’s put those tools into operation in our marriage. We want our marriage to demonstrate lavish, authentic love, the power of forgiveness, and the ministry of reconciliation. It is possible and as we learn to love authentically! We have the opportunity to experience a depth of relationship that is more satisfying than any temporary euphoria. Marriage was not designed to make people miserable! It was designed to be an institution of love, service and great joy! When love becomes a way of life, marriage reaches its highest potential. So include the seven characteristics of a loving person in your marriage. Be kind, patient, forgiving, courteous, humble, generous, and honest toward your spouse. Even if these are not reciprocated immediately, your actions will reap benefits in the long run. Before long, you will enjoy the benefits of making love a way of life. So have a fantastic marriage! Even if that seems impossible from where your relationship is right now, believe for it, and begin loving like Jesus does.

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